RECOVERY IS LIKE A BURNING ROSE….

I have to be totally honest with you…..these last few months have been so strange for me. I feel like a burning rose. I wake up with joy and anticipation of what the day has in store for me. And then other days, I have no clue what I am doing or where I am doing. Some days my body fully cooperates with me and other days, it doesn’t . It is unsettling to say the least. I will feel like my self and out of nowhere my brain will show me that I am not.

For me, I realized that I have no control of what is happening and like an alien, every experience is seen with a new set of eyes or senses. Those senses can be beautiful yet painful at the same time. It makes me cry when I realize I am repeating myself for the 3rd time because I don’t remember saying something twice already.

Some food doesn’t taste the same, music doesn’t sound the same and some things I liked, I don’t like anymore. It’s scary actually. I want to see each day as a new gift but I am afraid that I may face a new part of me that is stuttering again or forgot something again. That freaks me out. The exhaustion is the worse. It comes out from lurking in the shadows and tackles me without warning. His friend, Mr. Blackout is just as ruthless.

Once this Covid-19 settles down, I’ve decided I will take a night and sleep at a hotel undisturbed, just me and fluffy pillows and room service. I need the brain break and the REST. I need a break from stimulation. I need my brain to heal, so the fire can leave my brain and the rose can bloom once again.